Archive for the ‘Fehmeen’ Category

Spring Break 2011

Several highlights from the Picetti family’s Spring Break last week:

This conversation took place at the dinner table one evening.

  • Fehmeen — Who do you love more, Mommy or Daddy?
  • Emma — Papa (the diplomatic choice)
  • Emma — Batman or Spiderman?
  • Fehmeen — (running into the living room occupied by me) How can you have so much influence on her?!? You can’t even speak!!
  • Jason — (Grinning ear to ear in his BiPap mask)

The first comment Emma uttered to Fehmeen after witnessing her first up-close birthday party clown performance was “Do you think Buki (the clown) takes off her nose when she goes to sleep?”

I took the trip over the San Mateo Bridge with Fehmeen in order to pick up Emma from an overnight stay at No Nap Nani’s house.  The moment the wheels on my wheelchair hit the pavement Emma came running over to introduce me to the gardener who was mowing the lawn in the park where she was playing.  From there I watched her gleefully hop over a piece of poop on the ground (a la the opening scene in Up, now her second favorite movie followed by Beauty and the Beast).  Then she practically flew to the moon on the swings, climbed up the business end of the slide at least a dozen times, and back down that very same slide on her (cute little) buttsee a dozen more times after that.  The last time I watched her playing at the park was over a year ago and she was not as courageous and confident as she was now.  It goes without saying that I thought it was awesome seeing her having so much fun.

Emma, The Italian Man Servant and I had the pleasure of catching a Motley Crue Carnival of Sin concert on Palladia the other night.  We were all rocking out (Emma especially) to the first three songs (Shout at the Devil, Too Young to Fall in Love, Looks That Kill) before they went to a commercial break (back to back with a vibrating device made by the folks at Trojan which was followed by an internet dating spot from a group called ChristianMingle.com).  When the mixed advertising messages concluded, the band rolled back onstage on choppers and launched into Girls, Girls, Girls, complete with Cirque du Soleil-style acrobats dressed in skimpy leather outfits performing death-defying (yet strangely mesmerizing) routines high above the sonic fury occurring on the stage.  Well, Fehmeen wandered in about then, sized up the situation and quickly whisked The Bug off the couch and into her room.  Meanwhile, the two munhooses kept on watching the show.

Did you know that there was a Jewish version of Sesame Street called Shalom Sesame?  I sure didn’t.  And neither did Fehmeen when she joined it mid-episode.  She was forced to go to the Info button on the Comcast remote when she couldn’t understand what was going on when they were counting to five in Hebrew.  While we are on the topic, does anybody know if Grover is Jewish?  He was the only muppet hanging around but we changed channels before I could find out.

My newest caregiver Julian told us about how he knows a guy that does tattoos in people’s homes.  I think that the Tattoo Concierge will be making a stop in the City of Good Living very soon to work on tattoo number eight for ALS Boy.

I didn’t think that it was possible but Fehmeen just got even hotter when she got her nose pierced!

It was just like old times on Saturday night when Fehmeen, Emma and I got cozy on my recliner and watched videos on the laptop.  We started out with my documentary but we quickly switched gears to the Wiggles, Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars, and the Black Eyed Peas.  It was the best thing ever to hear our sweet Emma’s voice singing every single word of Just the Way You Are while sitting right next to me.  Best thing in the whole world.


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For Fehmeen with Love

At our first dance together (as chaperones),


You swept me off my feet,


Who knew where we would go together,

NYE in Disneyland

Steamy and Donna's wedding in Tahoe

The Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC


Or how much we enjoyed trying on hats in gift shops,


Along the way, we picked up The Bug to share the good times,


And life has never looked so good.


Happy Birthday, Babe!!  I love you too too.

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If Ever I Need Someone

If ever I need someone to make me smile and laugh at any moment, even when that moment happens to be at such critical times like in the middle of a transfer from one seat to another or when I have a mouthful of mashed potatoes or when you tell me about Emma’s and your latest public outing, I smile at and laugh with you, Fehmeen.

If ever I need someone to remind me about what it is to be beautiful, from the day that we met in the teacher’s lounge (by the copy machine) to the way you looked in your Minnesota sweatshirt on our first weekend trip as a couple to Monterey (and we made fun of those Red Hat ladies) to how stunning you were at each of our three weddings and how you’ve looked each and every day since then, I gaze longingly at you, Fehmeen.

If ever I need someone to guide me to safety when I’m lost at sea, I look for you, Fehmeen, and your shining beacon of hope emanating from atop the lighthouse standing tall and proud on the rocky shore.

If ever I need someone to show me what it means to be strong, from your ability to manhandle my dead weight to the way you put my needs and Emma’s needs miles ahead of your own, or the way you work all day at school and when you get home, you still have the energy to play with our little girl while hanging out with and including me in your offbeat shenanigans, I look in awe at you, Fehmeen.

If ever I need someone to be inspired by, I find that inspiration in you, Fehmeen.  I marvel at the dedication you exhibit every day to your workout regimen, to your chosen profession and to your students, to your friends and family, to raising our daughter Emma, and to helping me survive to see another day.

And if ever I need some way to express how much I love you, Fehmeen, know that even though I am physically unable to tell you so with my own voice these days, every word I type on this blog, every song I play for you as DJ iGaze (with the obvious exception of Tom Waits), and every smile laugh giggle inside joke and obvious grammatical punctuational mistake is done with you in mind.

This is the best way I know of to show you how much you mean to me besides just coming out and saying it.  I love you the most in the world, Babe.

I was so totally kidding about the Wal-Mart jewelry for your birthday.  Like I told you this weekend, it’s already taken care of.  Seriously!  There is no way I’m going to repeat the Victoria’s Secret debacle from last year around this time.

I may be a lot of things but I ain’t stupid!  Once was enough for me.

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Hard Case Crime Fiction.   That is what it took for me to realize just how big of a problem I had.

It began in my youth with comic books and baseball cards.   Then it expanded to records and cassettes and eventually CDs.   At least in those days I actually had the time to look at and listen to them all.

Things really began to spiral out of control when I started earning some decent money after college.   The collections grew exponentially into comics and cards and sports memorabilia and CDs and DVDs and books and paperbacks and action figures and so on and so on to infinity plus one.

The tipping point came in the form of a super smart and smoking hot rookie teacher named Fehmeen whose less is better philosophy regarding collectible clutter was downright contagious.  And if anyone needed to catch the anti-clutter bug it was me.

To make a long story shorter — at least by my standards — my apartment-sized collection of useless crap has shrunk down roughly to the space of a small closet.

The most difficult part for me was letting go of a majority of my books.   For years I had been collecting this series of hard-boiled mystery paperbacks called Hard Case Crime Fiction.   They were so cool.   I would look for ones that I was missing in every bookstore I could find.   I had approximately twenty of them on my shelf but had only read about three and that was wrong.  Wrong on the level that I was collecting just to collect and not for the enjoyment of the written word.

Now that I am living the less-clutter-than-before lifestyle these days,  I feel I owe it to my wife because I love her and I worry about her.   I know this may seem a little bit preemptive but I want to help you the way you helped me with my collectible issue.   I know that he is your favorite Giants player and that you proudly wear your number 55 jersey every time he takes the hill,  I want to make sure that one Lincecum bobblehead doesn’t become an out of control let’s-redecorate-the-room-in-his-image habit.

Tim Lincecum Giants Cy Young Bobblehead Bobble SGA  7-17
A special prize goes out to the person who can figure out the C Y title reference and how it relates to Fehmeen.   Good luck.

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Do you remember what we were doing exactly four years ago today?   I can see it all with vivid clarity as if it were four minutes ago.   I was so nervous when I started singing that Keith Urban song I didn’t think I would make it all the way through until I saw you walking down the aisle.   The second I laid my eyes on you I knew that I would make it to the end.   Your stunning and captivating beauty distracted me from my nerves and my total and complete fear that you would kill me if I messed up.

Do you remember what we were doing three years and 364 days ago?   We where driving under the tropical Kauai sky in our rented convertible Seabring on our way to eating the world’s most expensive chicken strips, fries and a coke.   At least we were able to walk it off on the way to our closest to the beach room.

How about three years and 362 days ago?   We were having dinner at the hotel seafood restaurant.   I know we didn’t enjoy it very much because of our sunburns, our rope blistered hands, and our poor sore muscles from the worst decision ever Zodiac ride.

You know that I could go on like this for the entire length of our marriage thus far but I don’t want to be a kahane so I will stop it here and shift gears .

As perfect and idyllic as our lives had been prior to BP Lee and the dreaded D Day, I believe that our bond is even stronger today than it ever was before.   And it’s not just because my filangees are flexed and my orifices have never been cleaner.   No,  it is something much simpler than that.

Throughout the endless series of challenges our lives have become,  the one thing that I can count on day in and day out is your uncanny ability to make me laugh.   No matter what kind of mood I am in,  you always find a way to get me to laugh at myself and for that I thank you.   You absolutely slay me with your hilarious comments and perfect one liners.   You keep me alive with what you are going to say next and now you know just how important that is to me.

If I could have just one wish granted in this crazy life we share,  it would be for you to feel one tenth as happy,  content,  safe,  and loved as I feel when I am with you.   I love you so much it makes me drool a river.   Thanks for making it an ocean by just being you.


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Think back to what it was that you were doing on July 8, 2006.   It was a Saturday and it was Africa hot — at least it was in the greater Bay Area.

On this day in Picetti/Khan history,  we were married for the third and final time in nineteen days.

Why did we partake in numerous nuptials you might be asking yourself?   Well,  for as long or as short as you’ve known us,  when have Fehmeen and I done anything the easy way?   Ummm,  exactly never.

June 20th was the civil (and legally binding) ceremony at the City Hall rotunda in San Francisco.   July 1st was the Nikkah (Muslim) ceremony at Casa Khan.   And July 8th was the traditional American (white) wedding at a country club in San Ramon.

Of the three dates, we have chosen to celebrate our anniversary proper on this date because


I don’t know why.

Oh well,  it’s not like I forgot the date.

Happy Anniversary Babe!

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Emma Being Emma

One thing you should know about Fehmeen is that she doesn’t like messes. That’s not exactly accurate. She hates, despises, and loathes a mess. So you could only imagine what was going through her mind when she witnessed Emma accidentally spilling  some of her chocolate milk on our dresser the other night. At this point in the anecdote you may be wondering why Fehmeen didn’t just clean up the pooling liquid. Under normal circumstances she would have been on it like white on rice but at this particular moment  she was pouring an Ensure down my feeding tube. For all intents and purposes she was tethered to me by a thin piece of rubber tubing and could only watch helplessly as the spill grew to BP-like proportions. Amidst the chaos and subsequent panic Emma had beat a hasty retreat. She returned with her grandma who had a fistful of paper towels. Grandma told us that Emma told her that “Emma spilled some chocky milk and could you bring some towels.” The mess was contained and everybody was able to return to their everyday lives.

Chalk another one up to Emma being Emma.

Typing and GDing by Lhito

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A Star is Born… Again

We recently had the pleasure and privilege to be interviewed by Donna Yeager for the On The Move cable television show.

The entire episode will air at a later date. Posted below is the edited youtube version.

The star is, of course, the fabulous Fehmeen.

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Weekend in Monterey

Once upon a time ...

... a boy met a girl by the copy machine in the teacher's lounge at school one day in 2004.

Early on in their whirlwind courtship, the happy couple took a trip to Monterey.

They tried on hats of various shapes and sizes ...

... with a patriotic theme.

Some fit ...

... and some didn't.

However, the highlight of the weekend was when they took notice of a group of blue hairs wearing purple and red ...

... and he convinced her to follow them so he could snap some pictures of their hideous outfits.

It was all shits and giggles ...

... until they got CAUGHT.

It was at that moment when the boy knew that she was the girl for him.

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A Slight Reprieve

Bought myself at least one more year’s worth of participation in fantasy leagues and various other football-centric wagering activities when Fehmeen won a cool $125 in a Super Bowl pool.

Happy wife equals happy life.

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