Hey everyone, and welcome to another installment of Rants and Raves Revisited. I’ve really meant to get this post out sooner but I have literally been busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Between all of my various appointments, my seemingly never-ending Spite and Malice card games with Dorian and The Hen, and my watching other people move my things from one place to another, I’m downright exhausted. Either that, or I have been extremely lazy. Irregardless of my excuse du jour as to the tardiness of this here column, I will quote Izzy Mandelbaum by saying, “It’s go time.”
Countdown to San Carlos. Negative five. The reason why this number is negative is because we’ve already moved in this past Saturday (which was five days ago, hence the negative five). And when I say we, I mean the royal we because yours truly, ALS Boy, was whisked away to see Dr Sarah for an appointment followed by a thirteen person screening of Zack and Miri Make a Porno (I should have waited for the DVD; the only memorable line was Dutch Rudder) and lunch at the Mexicali Grill. Thank you, Janet, for accompanying me; Ameer, Jason Number Two, Iqbal, Farah, Alia, Rob, Mike, Adam, Sarah, Mike, Nancy, John the WD, and Judy for lugging countless boxes and several furniture items; and to Nanny McFeast for babysitting the Bug. I especially wish to thank the lovely and amazing Fehmeen for almost singlehandedly packing and organizing our move from Sunnyvale here. We all would still be sitting around twiddling our thumbs if it wasn’t for her. I love you, babe. And it’s not like I neglected to mention you in the first draft. 🙂 All that I can say is now that the Picetti’s are in town, the City of Good Living (the town motto of San Carlos) will never be the same.
Missing the ‘Vale. Having resided in Sunnyvale for a little over three years, I finally felt like I had the town wired. I knew how to get from here to there in the shortest amount of time (a process which took me all three years to get down, of course), where I could get free wireless internet (Bean Scene on Murphy Ave), and where all the cool record stores were (Streetlight and Rasputin’s; though not technically in the “Vale, they’re close enough). I will miss driving by such awesomely named businesses as Dry Clean Best, The Furnitures, and Daily Donut, as well as never quite having the guts to actually sit down for a meal at Crazy Buffet (we got as far as the front door once and bailed). And even though they’re a quick ride down 280 to 85 to 237, I will miss having such delicious spur of the moment restaurant options as Kabul, Tau Tau, Gumbas, and Frankie, Johnny, and Luigi’s now that we reside further north. Thanks for everything, Sunnyvale.
Tales of My DVR. I am officially one more disappointing and unfunny episode away from jumping off the Kath and Kim bandwagon. Maybe my once lofty standards have plummeted. Although I’d never quit watching it, The Office has been subpar this season as well. Let’s get over all the relationship drama and get back to what made this show worth watching: the supporting cast. I would never admit this in public, but I am sort of bummed that Army Wives is over for the season. And, yes, I am quite aware that the show airs on Lifetime. One last thing: I am Jon and Fehmeen is Kate on Jon and Kate Plus 8. If you know us, you know it’s true.
Just How Low Can I Get. It doesn’t get much more pathetic than this. While waiting in the Embody Spa waiting room for my QiGong appointment a few weeks ago, I actually tore out a page from Us Weekly magazine because it had an article about Lauren and Audrina’s feud over Justin Bobby on it and I wanted to show Fehmeen. I’m conflicted about which is more sad: that I destroyed someone else’s property or that I give a crap about LC and Audrina.
And then the Wheels Came Off…Twice. Last month I had the honor of participating in a Walk to Defeat ALS around Lake Merritt in Oakland. My friends Traci, John, Marci, Tim, Alex, Barbie, and my Dad comprised Team JP Rocks (you could spot us a mile away by our spiffy red t-shirts; photo at bottom) for the three mile trek. Billed as handicapped accessible, the path around the lake was mostly paved except for the patches of tanbark and grass, the jutted and cracked concrete, and the countless exposed tree roots sticking out everywhere. Now, I’m not complaining here or anything but when the tires came off the rims of my wheelchair for the second time as we made our way around the track, it may be time to rewrite the accessibility label. Even though I wasn’t able to finish the course in a physical sense, the rest of Team JP Rocks crossed the finish line for me in spirit. What a great day, thank you.
Faceplant. I woke up Sunday morning, as the sun shined brightly through the sliding glass doors of my bedroom and the birds chirped and cooed as they feasted on assorted nuts and berries. I felt incredible after my first night’s sleep in my new sleigh bed in my new home in San Carlos. All was right in the world. Three small steps later, I tripped on the wooden base on my (did I mention it was a new and unfamiliar) bed and faceplanted the beige carpet. The entire weight and force of my being hit that carpet flush on my lip below my right nostril. It kinda hurt. For my troubles I earned a fat lip and several small cuts on my face. When I had to explain the swollen state of my face to my family several hours later, I lied and said that I got into a fight at an ALS support group meeting. Needless to say, no one believed me. In all seriousness, though, it usually takes a while to regain my confidence with regards to my walking, so if you are behind me, please be a bit more patient than usual.
Quote of the Week. “My parents were the thieves,” said Fehmeen to Thomas the security guard at our condo complex when she finally figured out who had mysteriously opened our garage door and took four dining room chairs as we slept at 11:00 pm. We had given them our remote and assumed they would return for the chairs in the morning. We were wrong.
Golimar. Emma recommends that you watch this video on youtube. Don’t ask me how I found it for her, it just happened. She goes nutty with glee when she hears and sees it. For fans of Michael Jackson’s Thriller video with a twist.
As the Bug Turns. It has been a real renaissance here in Emmaville lately. Maheen taught her how to clap so now Emma claps when she hears music or even when you ask her to (provided she’s in the right mood, which is most of the time). Emma is also rolling around all over the house and sitting up on her own for steadily increasing lengths of time. Finally, the Bug got to experience her first Halloween and her first rain drops falling on her face, all in the same night.
Thank you for reading and enjoy the picture of our little Pea in a Pod.
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