There’s not much in this whole wide world that makes me happier than when I convince Fehmeen to break bad. Now I’m not talking about felony, misdemeanor, or even your typical run-of-the-mill citation kind of breaking bad in this case. No, I’m referring to the kind of bad that goes and gets you tossed out of the “I’ve never broken a single solitary rule in my entire lifetime except for this one” club. Oh yeah, that kind of trouble.
I’ll never forget the time that we were living in Sunnyvale and she had decided (and I had of course enthusiastically acquiesced) that we were going to check out the latest Jennifer Aniston star vehicle that had invaded the local multiplex. Just as we were about to enter the theater, Fehmeen noticed that she still had over three-quarters of her steaming hot grande latte from Starbs in her hand. She immediately ambled towards the rubbish bin to dump the contraband cappuccino before we had to face the eagle-eyed gaze of the teenaged ticket taker. I stopped her before she did something she would undoubtedly regret. When I suggested that she sneak the coffee in under her coat, Fehmeen began to peer nervously over her shoulder for the outside food police to haul her off to movie theater jail just for even considering the subterfuge as an option. It took several minutes of cajoling on my part but in the end, she did it. She was so pleased with her illicit activity, she didn’t seem to mind so much that the movie (predictably) sucked.
Now that brings us to the present. I have been struggling mightily with this persistent and hacking cough for so long now that swallowing my pills and even the required amount of Nyquil had become more of a belabored chore than usual. My heart almost stopped beating when my usually darpook wife offered to not only pour the cough syrup down my feeding tube but to crush the pills and jam them down there as well — both of which we were advised against doing by the tube people.
And you know what, she didn’t even look the slightest bit nervous as she was breaking bad.
The Adventures of ALS Boy 
Get a mortar and pestle and crush the pills then dissolve in water. I have been doing the PEG pill push (P^3) that way for two years.
i just love Fehmeen, especially when she breaks bad.
I have a list of times in my life when I offered up refusals of good deals, etc. with my “too honest” bone, kinda like Fehmeen never wanting to break a rule.
Just this last weekend, I cleaned out my office and found a folder that was already aimed at the circular file, literally hanging from my hand, when I decided it needed one more look. It was my “Reunion File” from my Class of ’75. Id’ been on the Reunion Committee for each five year reunion, tirelessly running the gig, sacrificing my “good time” on the bespoken night in lieu of making sure the popular cheerleader had her nametag on straight. I had given up the reunion committee a good ten-15 years ago, letting another group of people much more motivated take over.
Well, in this file, was $250 in crisp clean bills, obviously leftover funds from good management on our 20th reunion in 1995. It’s sitting on my desk… I know I will mail it in to the new reunion gubers… but it’s so tempting….
shall I break bad?
Your wife sure is a darpook. Where do you think your kid got it from? Ask Fay about the time she thought people were following us on Valombrosa Road?
It is so nice to see that Fehmeen is “normal”,,, like the rest of us. Well, a better version of the rest of us, but close. Keep up the good work Jason, on turning her “bad.”
Also, you DO know about Stockton St. in SF, don’t you? It is the concentration point for all the true loogymen/women as we lovingly refer to to it as: “Stockkkkkkktong(cough cough) St.” Moyra
The outside food police….absolutely classic!